Juliet’s rape scandal, which has since taken more twists and turns than a drunk driver. As the ridiculously complex plot unfolded, my reaction went from ICK to OMG to WTF to eventually LOL. It was so stoopid and so genius at the same time.
Let’s try to recap the proceedings, one crazy shenanigans at a time:
1.) OMG TWIST! Surveillance footage reveals that Juliet was the one who initiated the sexual advances on her teacher, so maybe he didn’t rape her after all?
2.) BUT OMG TWIST! Another student, Tessa, suddenly confesses that Mr. Carpenter raped her too. So maybe Juliet was a victim after all?
3.) BUT OMG TWIST! Right before the trial, Tessa goes like “LOL I’M JUST PLAYING Y’ALL~” because she made up a fake testimony just to get back at Juliet for being such a rich bitch. Mr. C was later acquitted of his charges.
4.) BUT OMG TWIST! It turns out the only thing that got raped was Andrew’s bank account, because Juliet, Tessa & their teacher were all in cahoots together! They’re gonna split the ten million dollars that they swindled from his defamation lawsuit. Juliet got back her trust fund, yay!
5.) BUT OMG TWIST! After getting her share of the money, Tessa is brutally attacked and robbed in her own house. Maybe she should have reconsidered hiding the money underneath her mattress? Yeah, the bitch was literally lying on top of a three million dollar bed! *lol*
6.) BUT OMG TWIST! Juliet thought Mr. Carpenter placed the hit, but it was actually her own mother! Catherine was a hidden accomplice all along, helping her bb gurl to craft this rape story that would make mama proud.
7.) BUT OMG TWIST! Not only was Catherine manipulating her daughter, but she also hooked up with Mr. Carpenter on the side. She was the puppetmaster pulling the strings all along!
8.) BUT OMG TWIST! Juliet grows a guilty conscience and threatens to expose the whole truth. Mr. C freaks out and plans to go on the run with his lover Catherine.
9.) BUT OMG TWIST! Catherine basically played Carpenter like a fool and stole all his money, leaving nothing behind except a note that reads: “P.S. YOU’RE AN IDIOT BUT THANKS FOR PLAYING~”
10.) BUT OMG TWIST! Andrew finds out about the scandal, convinces Catherine to purchase some useless piece of land for ten million dollars, and manages to get back everything he lost in the lawsuit. This story has come a full circle, baby!
Read more of my funny Ringer recap before the season finale (lol let’s get real - series finale) on my TV Recaps blog~
ARIA MONTGOMERY IS FLYING A PLANE, OH FUCK YEAH.
They need to STOP SPINNING THE CAMERA every time Ezra and Aria share an on-screen kiss. I’m not sure if the director thought rotating the camera would make these romantic scenes seem more visually appealing or something, but it needs to stop. These two are already nauseating enough to watch without a damn hover cam circling them like a fucking orbit!
Read my funny Pretty Little Liars recap of the season finale - unMasked on my Funny TV Recaps blog!
The return of Psycho Paige
*confetti*
I love Paige McCullen. I seriously love everything about her. I love that she tried to kill Emily in the swimming pool. I love that she eventually came out and became Emily’s secret lover. I love that she used Hanna’s boyfriend of all people as a beard. And I love that she has a different hairstyle for each of her wild mood swings.
I love this bitch.
Read the rest of my funny Pretty Little Liars recap of Episode 21 “Breaking the Code” on my funny tv recaps blog!
“Stereo Hearts” on Glee is…
one big hot autotuned mess
and it got worse when Sam started “rapping”
and even the token black extra is like *shaking his head* and *feeling so embarrassed* for all of you.
Read the rest of my funny Glee recap of Episode 13 “Heart” on my TV Recaps blog!
The necklace… the blocked text… the fact that she gets away with the least amount of emotional torment… It all makes sense now. ARIA IS A!!! o_o
Read the Aria expose and the rest of the funny Pretty Little Liars recap of Episode 20 “CTRL: A” on the Funny TV Recaps blog!
